Every family has things they’d rather not say or, at the very least, keep to themselves. Not necessarily because they are bad or guilty of doing, but because they simply feel that they do not require open public discussion. However, some families have a much more destructive communication pattern, leading to estrangement and distrust, further discouraging new relationships and even preventing personal growth. There is a distinction to be made between privacy and secrets.
Privacy is simply the state of not being watched. Changing your clothing, for example. Our fantasies, daydreams, feelings about how the world works, and even our spiritual beliefs can all be kept private. When these private thoughts are revealed, they provide another person with information about the revealer. The deliberate act of concealing something is referred to as secrecy. Although secrecy can infiltrate privacy, not all privacy is secretive. Fear and shame are the most common motivations for keeping something hidden. Secrets are pieces of information that have the potential to harm someone else emotionally, physically, or financially.
Secrets have the power to divide, whether you’re in the know or not. Likewise, the truth. When family members keep secrets from one another, estrangement is common. You create a false reality for yourself and others by keeping secrets to protect your reputation or your family. Sometimes it gets too late by the time you realize how heavy those long-hidden secrets can cost you.